neelwrites/fridayfictioneers/apairofwelltrainedeyes/flash/fiction/100words/05/12/2018

7 December 2018

A PAIR OF WELL TRAINED EYES

By Neel Anil Panicker

“Ok, it’s coming. Another five seconds and we enter the tunnel. Remember gentlemen, each coach’s inside for only 45 seconds.”

‘Add gentlelady, please.’

Nicholson looked towards the girl___her clenched teeth, clean square shaped mannish jaws and steely eyes had defiance plastered all over.

Watching him hesitate that wee bit, she rubbed it in, ‘Remember, old man. Your era’s just gone by. I’m a child of the #MeToo age.’

Nichols fingers tightened their grip on the 12 inch machette. Some other time, and it’d be her head on the train floor.

“Ok, gentlelady. But remember, I want the Queen, and that too alive.”

#neelanilpancker #fridayfictioneers #train #crime #100words #flash

 

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35 thoughts on “neelwrites/fridayfictioneers/apairofwelltrainedeyes/flash/fiction/100words/05/12/2018

  1. Very suspenseful. There seems to be a lot of tension, reaction and speech/thought processes going on for the 5 seconds they’ve got. I loved your description of her.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Dear Neel,

    From your description of her I can see why he’d just say gentlemen, although it doesn’t sound like any of them are ‘gentle’ anything. Well paced and tense.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks a gazillion. Your feedback is very educative. I always value them a lot, dear Rochelle.

      Like

  3. Great drive. I loved the description “clenched teeth, clean square shaped mannish jaws and steely eyes”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Scarylady more like! I wouldn’t want to cross her. Excellent Neel

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That was a neat ending 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Good to see the Millennials making themselves useful to the older generation of train robbers! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, the baton may have passed on but the respect still remains. Thanks Kelly.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. A lot of tension in their interaction. She’s quite the “toughlady” and not be taken for granted. Well-written action scene, Neel.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Interesting use of the “MeToo” bit. Great description of her square jaws and defiant aspect. Nicely done 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Not the travelling companions I would choose. Quite chilling!

    Like

  10. I am expecting a blood bath, Neel!

    Like

  11. Somehow I think they better have a good debriefing afterwards… remember that it’s teamwork that should be the guiding star for sinister acts.

    Like

  12. I sense a fight over leadership soon in this motley crew of miscreants. My money is on machete lady.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. What a terrible spot to be in.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. A den, or rather, a compartment of assassins. Nice.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Abhijit Ray

    Someone asking for right way of address in the middle of train robbery! Unusual priority.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Sexy stuff. Reminds me of Angelina Jolie in Gone in 60 Seconds.

    Like

  17. Kalpana Solsi

    A modern girl with a weapon of # MeToo and she know where to use it. a scary story.

    https://ideasolsi65.blogspot.com/2018/12/journey.html

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Very suspenseful. I would like to hear more!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Nice tension and conflict in this.

    Like

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