FRIDAY FICTIONEERS
Hosted by ROCHELLEWISOFF at https://rochellewisoff.com/2017/11/22/17-november-2017/comment-page-1/#comment-45352
THE EVIDENCE
PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
by Neel Anil Panicker
Raphael rummaged through the attic drawer. He knew he had just about time before the police came.
Moth eaten files of long sold property deed facsimiles; half broken childhood toys; a long bladed steel knife of vintage origin that still carried slight traces of blood, a stark reminder of those halcyon decades when the much awaited weekend family sport was hunting down rabbits and wild boars.
Then he found it__ wedged between a headless Chinese doll and a much abused wicker basket lay the ring, Clare’s engagement ring, the one whose daughter he had just murdered.
©neelanilpanciker2017 #FF #fiction #flash #flashfiction #100words
neelwritesblog 
I liked the way you briefly took the story up a notch of tension in the middle, with the blood that you then reveal to be on the hunting knife. That was very skilful. I’m not sure about the phrasing of the last para though – the last few words of the ‘reveal’ link to the ring rather than the woman. Or perhaps it’s just me, it’s quite early here. 😉
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Raphael wants to wipe out all possible links that could tie him to the murder of Clare’s daughter hence the anxiety over finding Clare’s engagement ring.
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I agree with Sandra on the last line. The language does refer to the ring. Perhaps “the ring she wore” needs to be included. Just a thought.
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Crikey, I’m curious as to the motive for murdering the daughter. A long standing revenge for being gilted by Claire?
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Jilted, you mean? Could be or he could just be a serial killer. Thanks Kelly.
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So many questions! I have no idea why he’s searching for the ring before police arrive. Intriguing.
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He could possibly be removing all traces of evidence that could link him to the murder of Clare’s daughter. Thanks Claire.
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Dear Neel,
Tense scene. So is Raphael a trophy collector, collecting possessions from his victims? Good buildup.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Yes, could be a twisted serial killer. Thanks a lot, Rochelle.
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Intriguing write. You have piqued my interest … I hope there is more to come.
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I hope too. It would like to extend this and see where it goes. Thanks YS.
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“So many questions,” comments Claire, and I echo that. To add another one; why did Clare abandon her engagement ring?
I like the way you tell us of Raphael’s ‘violent’ family background, shown by their enjoyment of hunting down rabbits and wild boars.
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That’s something that i wish to pursue. Read my comments above wherein i have revealed my thought process. Thanks a lot, Penny.
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Not a nice man – he’s gone from killing rabbits to killing people. Hope they catch him.
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They would, they always do. Thanks for reading and commenting, Liz.
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Is he Clare’s lover, by the way? Sorry to ask such a question.
This is fabulously written, Neel and so much to ponder over. Terrific!
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Yes, he is, rather was Clare’s lover but now has become unhinged and is on the vengeful path. A very twisted tale of love, lust and revenge.
Thanks for the compliments. I really appreciate them, Moon.
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Definitely a collector of his victims… shudder!
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Join me then, Dale.
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Grizzly tale. You’d think he keep a trophy like that in an easier place to find. Nice build up of tension.
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Thanks Roger.
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So Clare didn’t accept the ring, and he killed her daughter for revenge? Yikes. Great foreshadowing with the blood-stained knife.
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Yeah, that’s right. Thanks for the compliment too.
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I think it will be hard for him to wipe out the evidence…. but the red herring of the hunter’s knife was a nice touch.
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Hi Neel, I really like this. It all seems so ordinary at first and even when the bloodstained knife appears, I was relieved because it only killed rabbits and boars…but the fact that the ring is a sign of a murder is a great twist.
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