neelwrites/FF/phoningaround/fiction/romance/100words/27/07/2017

Friday Fictioneers

 Hosted by the charmingly talented grand doyenne of flash fiction Rochelle

at https://rochellewisoff.com/2017/07/26/28-july-2017/  

For other more wonderful stories click on 

PHONING AROUND

phone-booth-jhc

PHOTO PROMPT © J Hardy Carroll

By Neel Anil Panicker

GENRE:ROMANCE

 “You calling from jail?”

From my cell. You see, I don’t break my promises.

“But isn’t that risky? Also illegal? I mean you could get caught.”

I’m bowled. It’s much riskier wooing the only child of an underworld don, one who is infamous for roasting alive his enemies in a hot oil tumbler.

“My dad has never gone to jail.”

Maybe, but he sure can send me to hell.

“I will join you.”

Where? In hell?

“No stupid. In heaven. We’ll make heaven, our own heaven on this Earth.”

‘You are such a sweet talker.’

“And you are a smooth operator.”

(neelanilpanciker2017 #FF #fiction #shortstory #100words

 

 

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33 thoughts on “neelwrites/FF/phoningaround/fiction/romance/100words/27/07/2017

  1. Dear Neel,

    A match made slightly lower than heaven. 😉 He is, as we say, skating on thin ice. I’d love to know where this romance goes. Good piece.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    PS On a grammatical note on that last line you might want to change You a smooth operator to You’re. Aside from that, great play on words. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Rochelle. I guess i will take it forward and see where these two lovelies go from here.
      I deliberately wrote it as “you a smooth operator”. After all a mafia don’s only child who has the guts and is foolish enough to get into a tango with a gangster needs to speak like this. What do you say , Rochelle?

      Like

      • It still feels stilted. I see what you’re trying to do but her speech through the rest of the piece doesn’t indicate that. ..Unless you say something like “You da smooth operator” Does that make sense?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Unless the guy is capable of bending the bars and escaping and beating up dozens of goondas he’s not gonna end up having a good life. Well written, Neel. I’m sure the wall behind the phone would have inspired you towards a jail setting,

    Liked by 1 person

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