neelwrites/fiction/shortstory/FF/100words/16/03/2017

A NEW PERSPECTIVE (100 words)

PHOTO PROMPT © Jennifer Pendergast

By Neel Anil Panicker

 ‘Do you see what I see?’

Mohan peered through the diagonal gaps of the circular spectacle.

It stood like a sore wooden thumb in an otherwise populated park flush with the spectre of discreetly positioned cemented benches that came alive with the muted sounds and beeps of teenaged lovers whose arms and limbs reached out to one another like tiny tender leaves stooping down into the earth’s bowels, questing for comfort and succor.

‘Nothing’, Mohan replied.

The two had been lolling around for some time.

‘It’s the angle of vision,’ his boss replied, adding, ‘now I want her killed, too’.

©neelanilpanicker2017 # fiction # shortstory # FF #100 words

Written for the wonderful FRIDAY FICTIONEERS hosted by the hugely talented uber cool Rochelle at https://rochellewisoff.com/2017/03/15/17-march-2017/

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10 thoughts on “neelwrites/fiction/shortstory/FF/100words/16/03/2017

  1. I’m afraid I didn’t understand this. Who does the boss want killed, and why? And how does it relate to angle of vision? I can only guess it’s his wife committing an indescretion he can see through the wheel

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  2. Dear Neil,

    You took an idyllic scene, beautifully described and turned it on its ear.

    My only suggestion would be that the last sentence is hard to understand due to lack of punctuation. “I want her too killed.” Without comments it comes to mean “I want her very much killed.” It might be better if you say, “I want her killed, too.” ie “I want her killed also.” I hope that makes sense. I don’t mean to inundate you with an English grammar lesson.

    Well imagined.

    Shalom,

    Rohelle

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    • Thanks. I was trying a new way here, attempting to convey how a crime lord reaches a decision, which is order the hit of one more person who otherwise may not have been a target.
      Though i believe some clarity would have been required here. I really appreciate your comments, Sandra.

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