Through life’s station, two kinds of people whiz past__the ones who live on ground and the ones who live underground.

Those on the above strive to rise further, driven as they are by the fear of falling off and getting crushed by fate’s wheels.

Those on the underground are desperate to crawl out of the bowels of earth’s underbelly.

Raees belonged to this category. As early as when ten years old, he knew he had to somehow, anyhow, be a part of the above.

Two years later he committed his first murder; his first step towards realisation of that dream.


Written for the wonderful challenge hosted by


11 thoughts on “neelwrites/fiction/shortstory/tioneers/12/01/2017

  1. Neel, in the short time I’ve been around Friday Fictioneers, I’ve learned to look forward to your contribution. This one is equally intriguing. I especially like the 100 word version with shorter, crisper sentences that seem to convey a desperate feeling using structure in place of words.

    My outside guess is that English is not your first language. If so, even more kudos for your mastery.


    • Kecia, first of all many thanks for your words of appreciation. On the contrary, i am an Indian and English is my first language as well as my language of choice. I deliberately am working on my structure so as to refine my craft and thus am going a bit slow with words.
      The earlier version was longer by 34 words and i took it to the cleaners and what came out is this smaller, crispier version, and thankfully it has gone down well with you as it has with others.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Dale says:

    Bravo Neel! So very happy you accepted Rochelle’s challenge… This one reads so much better and gives the whole story in more concise terms. Well done indeed! And yes… I wish Raees could find another way to accomplish his goal…


  3. YES! A MUCH better story!

    Nice work this week, Neel. Rochelle and I swear by this technique of 100 word limit because it made both our writings better and a lot more powerful. As my screenwriting instructor said, “Less is more.” It’s really true.

    Five out of five dirty bowels of the earth. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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