neelwrites/fiction/shortstory/12/01/2017

PHOTO PROMPT © C.E. Ayr

PHOTO PROMPT © C.E. Ayr

THE STORY OF RAEES

By Neel Anil Panicker

Through the fascinating station of life, two kinds of people whiz past__the ones who live on ground and the ones who lives underground.

Though polar opposites, each, ironically, feeds on the other for survival.

Those on the above forever strive to rise further above, driven as they are by a pathological fear of falling off and getting crushed into the underground by the crazy wheels of fate.

Those on the underground are desperate to crawl out of the dirty bowels of earth’s underbelly; to somehow shake off the debilitating stench of their squalid existences.

Raees belonged to this category. As early as when ten years old, he knew he had to somehow, anyhow, be a part of the above.

Two years later he committed his first murder; his first step towards realisation of that dream.

(c)neelanilpanicker2017#fiction#shortstory#134words

In response to Friday Fictioneers Photo Challenge hosted by the wonderful Rochhelle at

https://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/

 

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15 thoughts on “neelwrites/fiction/shortstory/12/01/2017

  1. Dear Neel,

    Quite a dark tale. What a pity Raees saw murder as a means of escape, thus illustrating his desperation. Vivid descriptions.
    Now, I toss out a challenge to you and I believe you’re up to it. I think you could shave off those 34 over the top words. It’s something to think about. Are all of the adjectives and adverbs necessary? I reiterate, this isn’t a reprimand, it’s a challenge. 😉
    It’s still a good piece.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you Rochelle for your very appreciative comments. Yes, Raees wll play the game the only way he knows. And yes, the story was too close to my heart and i did think it to be little too off the 100 word mark. I did think of cutting off those extra words but then you know, i just gave in, too taken in by every word so as not to chop any further. But, now that you have mentioned it, i am going to prune it further to near the 100 way mark. And thanks you for that!
    But th

    Liked by 2 people

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