WHY I HATE ‘A HAPPY NEW YEAR’
By Neel Anil Panicker
I hate New Year greetings. I mean I REALLY HATE new year greetings. It has been a slow build up over the years but when I see people still going around wishing all and sundry A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR it gets my goat.
But then that’s because I can see through the elaborate façade, the eye popping charade, the sheer falsity and thereby, futility of the whole damn exercise.
And I can spot these new age peddlers of New Year greetings from beyond a mile. There they come, their arms flapping and eyes popping and teeth flashing, having zeroed in on a poor hapless soul (read victim) from afar. Like a beautifully choreographed Shiamak Davar dance sequence, they make their slow, sinuous and dare I say, sensuous move across to you, waving an arm here and a leg there, their every single nerve and muscle and sinew stretched to a taught as they waltz upto to you and sing and ring in A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR deep down into your stupefied ears.
OMG! If there was a law against such gross ramming down of impermissible decibel levels down one’s orifices, I am pretty sure half of humanity would be behind bars.
Take me for instance. The new year has happened and it’s a good 36 hours since the fortuitous event made its foray into the world but all through the day and night all manner of people, a few known and a zillion unknown, are still handing out New Year greetings to me in a single monotonous scream and quite a few even live streaming their New Year pleasantries. And mind you, all of this comes in a tearing hurry that makes me suspect if the world is suddenly running out of stock of such stock phrases or in the alternative, they are soon going to get as extinct as the dodo.
So, all my dear friends and relatives, near and far, as well as people who I may know or not, I heard you once and I heard you twice but trust me it takes my goat if you sing it thrice__guess what! A HAPPY NEW YEAR.