neelwrites/fiction/200wordstory/27/11/2016

611px-repin_iliya_moon_night

Hurricane Katrina

By Neel Anil Panicker

Word count: 200

They were merciless today, the sea__its swirling pools having swallowed all that she was once proud of__ a delectable hour glass frame on which sat a mass of the most lustrously set crop of thick black hair  and sparkling light grey eyes that added the extra zing to that strikingly beautiful high cheek boned ever-trusting face.

A face even ‘Cleopatra would have envied’.

His words, not hers.

The slimy sweet talking bastard.

He, whose velvety tongue dropped Shakespeare and Greek and Latin.

He who swore everlasting love and who she thought was more loyal than her dear Bruno, who now looked around at every homo sapien with lingering suspicion and a perpetual scowl followed by a deafening bark.

He, who she caught in their marital bed… with Sylvia, her best friend.

I am sorry. It just happened.  I didn’t meant to… it wasn’t meant to be like that… She just came in a bit too strong… will  never happen… ever…ever again. I promise… please…please.., forgive me…  just this one time…pleeez.

His voice was a plead. His eyes sank into hers; hers into Bruno’s.  The Jack Russell terrier squinted his eyes and stomped away.

She didn’t care.

The sharks certainly would.
(c)neelanilpanciker2026#fiction#shortstory#200wordstory

Written for

Microfiction challenge #24: Moonlit night

https://janedougherty.wordpress.com/2016/11/25/microfiction-challenge-24-moonlit-night/

9 thoughts on “neelwrites/fiction/200wordstory/27/11/2016

  1. Very emotive story, you capture the emotions and the characters well. I think the story would benefit from rethinking the opening which isn’t clear to me. Are we talking about the woman or the sea? The description could be trimmed too, just a bit because I like the way you slip from very detailed description of the woman to a single dismissive phrase for the man.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks s lot for appreciative comments. They mean a lot, especially so, when it comes from a person such as you whose writing talents I grealty respect.
      The opening lines refer to the woman, and yes, I should have just named her to remove that element of ambiguity.
      Thanks again, Jane and have a nice day.

      Like

  2. A strong write you words powerful and believable. With a tighten up it could make for a longer write. Well done.😇

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks a lot for your appreciative comments, Ellen.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I was a little perplexed by the opening too Neel, but I do love some of your descriptive passages and the way you’ve made his words sound wheedling so we despise him all the more. A good story 🙂

    Like

    1. Thanks a lot Lynn. Your constructive comments are much appreciated.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My pleasure Neel. 🙂

        Like

  4. You get across the very strong emotions swirling about.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. […] neelwrites/fiction/200wordstory/27/11/2016 | neelwritesblog […]

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